who knows.

tossing along the brink between wakefulness and denial, icy fingers of air steal their way into the warmth under my blankets and sheets to prod me up. with each shuffle of my body, i seem to open a fresh gap for morning to rush into bed with me to a bitter annoyance. a slit between the drapes welcomes a beam of white light into my no-longer-dark room, and absent glimmers of blue let me know immediately that another chilly, fog-shrouded day awaits my embittered view. despite attempts to turn away and secure just a few more moments of solace, wisps of cold air through fresh openings coax out a shiver and force me to greet another humdrum day. outside my window, jittery pine branches and needles intimate a breeze which wouldn't make any sort of leisurely outdoor-stroll enjoyable, and i once more, abandon any thoughts of walking along the beach, which always seems to prove more windy than at home - physically at least.

it seems my muse has escaped me as of late, despite the feather in my hat and the abundance of media topics that are just waiting for more criticism and commentary. too easy. more commentary about september eleventh, more criticism of the current political regime and its endeavours, and more support for active causes here and there seems like old news - worthy news in their own rights, but stagnant issues fueled more by emotion than careful thought.

as i sit in my room like usual, typing away to the stream of chill tunes from my speakers, this time feels different. i am not bound by academics nor occupation, and the pressing matters at hand are too big to be completely seen through a pinhole. like all the other times however, i once again, have no idea where i will be a year from now. wallowing in unemployment, i am forced to churn out futile cover letters to various organizations, each with their obligatory personal self-promotion and company sycophantism. it has become obvious that employers are much more interested in experience over education nowadays, and despite a past professor's treasured motto of "it's not what you know but what you show you know," i can only disagree now and say "it's neither what you know nor what you show you know but who you know."

it is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
: wilde.