candy was dandy.

on a cold, quiet, misty night, the deserted streets give no sign that this evening is any different from any other. yellow-golden apartment windows across from me intimate signs of life and daily routine, while a bevy of neon liquor ads in the nearby convenience-store windows turn the damp sidewalks into a rothko print. a sagging jack-o-lantern, with no one to greet, loafs on a neighbor's stoop, as cars whiz by between the occasional rumble of a passing bus. gone are the little patters of feet tonight, gone are the giggles and hollers of "trick-or-treat." mini-goblins, witches, and superheros have all fled to the malls, and along with them went their taller, more human-like, chaperones.

somewhere in the years between yesterday and today, halloween seems to have disappeared. halloween has become an evening to fear, but its reason for becoming so is far more earthly than supernatural. despite the covens which may or may not be gathering in a wooded backyard somewhere, or the satanists in their basements or garages, a paranoia of much closer-to-home dangers has swept over today's halloween. a fear of spinach, now more-than-less resolved, has been replaced by a fear of child predators and molesters, poisoned candy, apples stuffed with razor blades, arsonists, drunk drivers, and an ever-darkening night sky.

years ago, i trick-or-treated on the same street empty before me and even recall when i actually rattled off the rhyme "trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat; if you don't, i don't care, i'll pull down your underwear." with my ninja or pirate outfit on and a bag in hand, door to door solicitations for candy were quite rewarding, topped off by a trip through the weathiest parts of town with cousins for large-sized chocolate bars and even the rare and delightful offering of quarters instead of sweets. perhaps the children have all grown up, or the adults have all grown tired. perhaps today's sedentary, computer-and-television-glued society is opting to stay in more, or the healh-conscious mindsets of most parents are discouraging their children from an excess of candy. impossible. halloween just isn't what it used to be.

a few miles away in the heart of town, a block party rages, growing in size year after year to become the dangerous, ostentatious beast it is tonight. once an isolated city-event, dominated by the gay population, halloween in the castro has become a spectacle and an ever-increasing "out-of-towner straight-event." instances of stabbings from last year's halloween has escalated into shootings at tonight's event, and although prohibitions can keep alcohol off the street, it does little to keep alcoholics off the pavement.

i've retired from halloween, i tell a few friends. a year ago, i was stuck in my chicago apartment, tapping out a research paper in front of my computer, stealing outside into the cold, wet, night for a drum break - halfzware shag. too long have i slid by without a "real" halloween outfit (when i pretended i was celebrating it), and too long have i lost my sweet tooth. what next year's halloween will bring is still a mystery, but i get a sneaking suspicion that the streets around here will still be as dark and as quiet as tonight, roaming with nothing more than the unseen ghosts of yesteryear.

at 46 one must be a miser; only have time for essentials.
: wilde.