new unknowns.

for the moment the rain's ceased, and the silence of a quiet evening is broken only by chill jazzy tunes emanating from my speakers and the bumps and ticks of a house grown old. the wall beside me murmurs; a muffled conversation between neighbors filters in through thin wood and sheet-rock, but words are indecipherable among periodically unmistakable giggles and chuckles.

once again, it is a winter holiday in san francisco, although only a year ago, i was sitting at this same desk and this same computer, no doubt in this same quiet dimness of my room, feverishly working on school applications and hopelessly looking for part-time work. much has happened since then; a then which now seems as long away as a blink of an eye. everything was uncertain, and i was used to the fearful excitement - where would i be in half a year? the east coast? southern california? san francisco? internationally abroad? who would hire me? what would i be doing? can i stand living at home any longer? life had merely been an existence based on tentatives, and while once again, the pieces have managed to fall into their places, i am faced with new unknowns. once again, i can confidently say i have no idea where i'll be six months from now, but a comfortable background of stability assures me that i will have places to call home, things to do, people to see, and enjoy it all the while.

here comes the rain again... i missed it.

the basis of optimism is sheer terror.
: wilde.