asphyxia.

sitting in my room, i flip through televison channels looking for something remotely interesting to watch. here on a friday evening, the tube-waves are filled with nothing but a nauseating cacophony of aimless faux-news chatter, gold qvc bracelets, and mindless spin-off programs like next top model: what the divas are doing now. ugh, i shudder. finally pulling myself from the television train-wreck, so bad i just have to take a look, i press power on my remote and retreat to the comforts of my jazz and writing. room dimly lit, my desk lamp draws eeire shadows upon the walls, while a somber piano slowly taps out notes. staring into the darkest corners, i search for my future, mind still hazy from the television discord earlier and self-esteem wounded by a conversation with my parents, who seem to have the perfect knack for stomping my views and beliefs. as more and more denials trickle in, whithering away any further senses of hope i had about getting into any graduate schools, i wonder if i may actually be rejected to all that i applied to. i have been holding off on spreading any news regarding acceptances and denials, waiting to hear back from all my schools first, but with each passing day, my faith wanes. how strange a thing to have a door slammed upon my sheer ambition, let alone the happy-go-lucky blasé life that i have been living since school got out. i don't know anymore, i just don't know. with only a handful of schools that i am still waiting to hear back from, i am now only a little hopeful that i will receive an acceptance. i am only a little hopeful that by the end of it all, i can look at someone and say, i am going to [ ____ ], and regarding the other schools to which i applied, the important thing is where i am going, not where i could have gone.

education is an admirable thing,
but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
: wilde.